We moved last weekend. From our two bedroom apartment of two years to a smaller two bedroom apartment.
It was harder to say goodbye than I anticipated. Moving day I stepped onto the front porch and took in my surroundings, just as I had the day before and the one before that.
Lush ivy beamed up at me, teeming with bright new life. A canopy of soft pink flowers burst above our private pathway. It was the peak of spring time in Georgia.
I sighed deeply.
We had dreamed of a home.
We had dreamed of a quaint craftsmen, a tiny farmhouse, a southern charmer with a wrap around porch and plenty of trees. A place for peace and projects and kids. A big backyard and a doodle mix.
We had dreamed for a long time it seemed.
Had we dreamed so much we missed out on what was right in front of us?
Our apartment was nowhere near perfect. It’s small kitchen and heavily carpeted floors were just two of my grievances. But it was perfect for us in that moment. I let out another sigh, softer this time, and returned inside.
My husband and I proceeded to move nearly the entire apartment alone. We were given super-revelation of “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” and became superhero’s that day.
My expression remained mute as our wheels turned down the endless road in the new complex. I followed my husband up a dark pollen drenched stairwell to a dull indigo door on the left with a laminated “G” and a small rose symbol plastered above it.
It was a far cry from the luxiurious model we were shown. But its what we decided. We wanted smaller and less expensive. However we also wanted the features we lacked the last two years; a larger kitchen, wood floors, and a nicer bathroom. We got the wood floors.
Both places have their pros and cons for us.
But I’m so glad we trusted the decision we felt God led us to.
You see all this time we thought a house would make a home.
But we are the home.
God is constantly upgrading my vision and graciously examining my heart to help me see where it truly lies. Over and over again I give it back to Him. He is moving in the midst of every crook and crevice— every cell, every atom—there is not one detail He is absent.
God’s love is amazing and grandiose. I don’t need the perfect living space to prove that to me. I have smiling ivy and flowering trees. I have a healthy body and family. I have a gracious God who forgives and frees and nurtures and provides.
I have my testimony. I have freedom from anxiety and depression. I have joy and peace through tribulation. I have comfort when I don’t quite see around the bend yet. I have a beautiful little family and life.
I have a peaceful and blessed apartment to call my own. And I have a promise of better things to come, including a house; but I already have a home.